I am in a long-distance relationship, or at least it feels that way. This isn't a romance or anyting like that; reading my profile will tell you I am happily married. This long-distance relationship is with God, actually.
For the past couple of years now, I have felt this way about my relationship with God. It is like the long-distance friendships I try to maintain with friends and family members. I don't talk to God that often. I hardly read my Bible. I do "check in" every now and then, usually in the car on my way to or from work. But the quantity of time spent with God is not what it probably ought to be.
However, the quality of that time is good. Although the fellowship is few and far between, the closeness is still there. In some of my closest friendships, I only see the others once a month or so, but when we are together it's like we saw each other yesterday. Same with God. I can go several days, maybe even a week or more, without talking to him, but when I do it's like I just talked to him yesterday.
Perhaps this isn't a good thing. I know I should be closer to God. I know I should read more and pray more. But I get busy, or forgetful. Perhaps this blog is simply a confession of my own apathy.
But, perhaps it's not such a bad thing. Maybe this is just part of the ever-evolving life of faith. Maybe as a person grows older, both physically and spiritually, he goes through phases like this. Perhaps this is just part of growing up.
Which is it, apathy or maturity? I don't know. I do know, however, that I should probably make more of an effort. I should make this relationship a little more of a priority. I know God understands the demands of life. I know he knows I am busy. But i know that isn't a great excuse for not picking up my Bible more often or for not turning off the radio and praying on my way home from work.
Despite the apparent distance, I do feel close to God. We have a good relationship. But I can't let it slide.
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Maybe it's being a Methodist? I mean we all tend to take on the culture of our faith community regardless of where we came from. I am from a charismatic tradition (and believe and have practiced it) but find myself in a seeker-sensitive, welcoming and affirming church now. There's much more tolerance and acceptance for sin within the church walls because we are an outreach church, what you call ambushers. So I function within this framework, even finding myself more tolerant of the sin in own life, where I would not have been before.
Maybe it's a matter of cultivating the practice of the presence of God. It not an easy habit. But I have had my seasons of it, and rewarding they were.
Even so, I think you may be on to something with the maturing process. It's like marriage and family. We have times with family of exhilaration and times that are excruciatingly ordinary. There are times when we don't talk because there is no need. We know what we need to know. We've shared what there is to share. And there are times when our hearts are bursting to share a new insight or experience, or even to create one together.
I was talking with a friend the other day. We were remarking how our conversation was ordinary that day. So what? Well, our conversations are more often than not extraordinarily deep and emotionally satisfying. We get each other and we enjoy the exchange. But this particular time did not turn out that way. But we did not lose heart. Because of the extraordinary times, the ordinary times are also charged with and upheld by them. There is a sense of security in the underlying relationship, which under girds both the historic and the hum-drum.
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